Cheese-Stuffed Bacon Wrapped Smoked Brats

True Blood, how I hate you. Let me count the ways….

Yes, I went there. And I know you’re going to hate me for it. But don’t un-friend me just yet.

1. Sookie. I am pretty sure I am not supposed to hate the main character of any show, but I can’t find a single redeeming thing about Sookie. First, this girl is dumber then a bag of bricks. For someone who can hear every ones thoughts around her, why is she always walking into trouble. For that matter, for someone who’s been attacked multiple times, why does she keep going for late night stoles unsupervised?
2. I find it hard to believe some 100 year old vampire is enamored with before mentioned blond without knowing she was all fairy power. You’v walked the world for 100 years, I’m guessing you want someone with a little depth.
3. The characters I like always die… well, ok, the character I liked died. The Cajun, the one with the most believable accent died. And was the bad guy. And his accent was fake. The kid brother, yeah he was screwed up – but why’d he have to die?
4. What’s with the orgies? That just got plain weird. It was ok when season one was a drinking game for topless sitings, but season two just went a little too far for me. I did not need to see the cast and crew of the show together in one scene butt naked.
5. Season four, the magic thing really did not jive with me. I just felt that it was a weak threat compared to the other ones. And really, why didn’t they just off the lady sooner?
6. I’m not watching season 5 until it’s out on Netflix, but no one has taught Lafayette how to control this power. I am expecting every ghost ever to just play tag with him from this point on.
7. No one is good. Even the ones you want to be, Terry, aren’t going to be good. Why can’t anyone be good? Come on, you were on Gilmore Girls.
8. Seriously, what was with that whole werepanther thing? That was creepy. And no one’s counseling Jason.
9. From what I’ve seen, the fairies are like aliens. They only reveal themselves to people who no one would bother to believe anyway.
10.  Her name is Sookie. Really? Everyone walking around all deep and dramatic, “Sookie, Sookie, Sookie” just really gets under my skin.
11. oh, that whole like 5 episodes with soft squishy Erik made me loath him.

So, I’ve sat through 4 seasons. Clearly I don’t hate it enough to not tune in. (I swear, my boyfriend makes me watch it) But I’m just not sold yet. I want to like characters but the script or storytelling makes it hard. All the ones I start to like always change or die or get killed and I can’t get into them. I figure if the character is female, and they focus on her face for more then a second, she will be naked by the end of the episode. And maybe I’m just not down with the fairy magic. I want something either a lot more cheesy (Evil Dead) or something a lot more scary. Something about it is just too soft and romantic for me. I want my monsters mean and my main characters bad ass, and yet… here I am waiting for the next season.