Top Chef Season 8, Episode 3: Frasier Has Left The Building

I’ve heard more than one person remark lately that they are glad that they don’t bet on NFL games. This is wise, as parity has made each week an exercise in guesswork at best. And so it is, too, with Top Chef: All-Stars. We’ve already seen Jennifer Carroll pack her knives and go (ballistic), and Tom Colicchio himself admitted that he fully expected her to reach the finale. If the Head Judge/uber-chef host can’t accurately predict such things, what chance do we mere mortals have?

Despite that existential reality-TV-viewing quandary, we must carry on. This season’s third episode (title: “New York’s Finest”) was something of a mixed bag. Having the cheftestants cook in the kitchens of some of New York’s most esteemed restaurants–David Chang’s Má Pêche, Wylie Dufresne’s wd~50, Michael White’s Marea, David Burke’s Townhouse–with the object of creating a dish inspired by, and worthy of, that restaurant’s menu, is an excellent idea. In fact, I wouldn’t mind seeing nearly every episode have some variation on that theme, though it would perhaps mean fewer episodes devoted to cooking school lunches, cooking with Glad/Dial Nutriskin products, cooking out of vending machines, or cooking while walking a tightrope across the Grand Canyon–you know, challenges that test the chefliest qualities of the participants.

On the other hand, dividing the chefs into groups of four, and then allowing only one chef per group to be eligible for a win or elimination seems silly and gimmicky. It seems destined to catch the dolphins (Tiffani Faison, Dale Levitski) in the same net as the bluefin tuna (Fabio Viviani, Stephen Asprinio). Fabio fits the tuna metaphor rather well. Except that he’s a tuna who is not at home with either French or Vietnamese flavors, a tuna who could probably not cook himself if asked. That’s ok, though, because I couldn’t cook human.

What’s worse, for no explicable reason, other than to very briefly add drama, this episode featured the dreaded TOTAL DOUBLE ELIMINATION. Why do this? Why do it so early in the season? All Bravo and the Magical Elves have done is deprive us of both a) a strong chef with a good chance of making it to the finals (Dale L.) and b) a not-so-strong chef who is Frasier Crane’s non-psychiatrist doppelgänger (that would be Stephen “I sleep in a comfortable loft in downtown Manhattan” Asprinio). So, it’s a lose-lose situation for all involved. Specifically, for Dale and Stephen.

Since cruel Fate has made a mockery of my pre-season predictions thus far, I think a weekly re-calculation of each cheftestant’s odds are in order, Vegas-style. For entertainment purposes only. Well, for soul-enriching purposes too, if that’s your thing. Without further ado:

1. Richard Blais (Season 4) Old Odds: 3:2 New Odds: 3:2
There’s no compelling reason at this point that would suggest that Blais isn’t still The Man To Beat in this competition. In this week’s blog, Colicchio mentions that he thought that Blais’ dish (Crudo of Spanish Mackerel w/ Braised Veal Shank & Fennel Mostarda) was actually the best of the group that cooked at Marea. Tom was out-voted, but realistically, his opinion is more meaningful than Padma’s, Gail’s, or Bourdain’s. Unless the opinion involves getting naked & eating burgers, in which case, Padma’s counts most.

2. Angelo Sosa (Season 7) Old Odds: 4:1 New Odds: 2:1
Though Blais is still The Man To Beat so far, the reality is that Angelo is making a strong argument for himself. He’s come out of the gate strong with two straight Elimination Challenge wins, and he finished in the top of the Má Pêche group in Episode 3. Angelo’s strengths are his precise technique and elegant conception/execution, and his dish (Turmeric Marinated Fish w/Dill, Cilantro, Salmon Roe, Chorizo & White Chocolate) reflected that. The white chocolate, as noted by the judges, seems like a bit of inspired genius.

3. Tiffani Faison (Season 1) Old Odds: 6:1 New Odds: 6:1
Tiffani moves up the list through sheer attrition with the early exits of both Jen Carroll and Dale Levitski, but her shaky performance at wd~50 means that her odds aren’t changing much. Her willingness to stretch herself creatively in Wylie Dufresne’s kitchen is laudable, but the results were not.

4. Dale Talde (Season 4) Old Odds: 8:1 New Odds: 6:1
We knew way back in Season 4 that Dale was shown the door way too soon, and now that he’s keeping his temper in check (so far) it seems that he’s getting on with the business of showing us what-could-have-been with him in the Season 4 Puerto Rico finale, instead of either Antonia or Lisa. Dale gets an odds bump here because he successfully defied one of The Rules of Aquisition Chefquisition, and won a challenge with his dish of Sunny Side Up Egg Dumpling w/Braised Pork Belly, Milk Ramen with Bacon, Beef & Pork. Moreover, he did so by having the cajones to conceive and execute a dish that is much simpler than one would expect at wd~50.

5. Mike Isabella (Season 6) Old Odds: 15:1 New Odds: 10:1
While the Magical Elves haven’t edited Isabella to be nearly the amusing Jersey misogynist that he was in Season 6, it does seem that he is finally living up to the potential one would expect from a chef who has run one of Jose Andres’ restaurants (Washington D.C.’s Zaytinya).

6. Casey Thompson (Season 3) Old Odds: 20:1 New Odds: 12:1
If I were fifteen years old all over again, I’d just make Casey’s odds 6:9 and chuckle quite a bit. In one sense, it was foolish to give Casey the low odds that I did early on, since she has been the same steady performer so far this season as she had been in Season 3. So while her odds have been adjusted to reflect this, and while she certainly has a plausible shot to make it to the finals, it just doesn’t seem credible to suggest that she’d be able to wow the judges as both Blais and Angelo are likely to do. Her “Scallibut” dish was clever and well-executed.

7. Marcel Vigneron (Season 2) Old Odds: 8:1 New Odds: 12:1
Top Chef’s resident Rapper-In-Chief gets adjusted downward here, not so much due to his own performance as that of some other cheftestants. In any given dish, Marcel is capable of going toe-to-toe with Blais or Angelo, but I think he is bedeviled by inconsistency. Consistency might be the hobgoblin of small minds, as Emerson once said, but when it comes to Top Chef challenges, or running an actual kitchen, consistency is “Gold, Jerry! Gold!” as Kenny Bania once said.

8. Jamie Lauren (Season 5) Old Odds: 20:1 New Odds: 15:1
While she is just the worst in so many ways–her hipster attire, her annoying tattoos, her penchant for vegetable soups, her griping about Eric Ripert’s food, her refusal to sleep with Stefan, her stupid stitches in her finger–Jamie also has enough skill to make a respectable showing this season. If this were Top Refusal To Reproduce, I’d already have her name engraved on the trophy, and I’d be eagerly looking forward to a season filled with Quickfires sponsored by Trojan-enz or the Doc Johnson family of products. But as we all know, this is Top Scallops Chef.

9. Tre Wilcox (Season 3) Old Odds: 8:1 New Odds: 15:1
I know, it seems incongruous to adjust Tre’s odds downward after he strong showing in Episode 3. But his dish (Grilled Swordfish w/Braised Artichoke, Mushroom Panna Cotta, & Basil Oil) was a pretty simple affair that was well-executed. At its best, that’s what Tre’s food seems to be, and there’s no shame in that at all. It’s just that in this All-Stars season of Top Chef, simple, well-executed food is not going to be enough to win the whole thing.

10. Antonia Lofaso (Season 4) Old Odds: 25:1 New Odds: 20:1
As with Tre, Antonia’s food at its best is simple and well-executed. She does “rustic” better than she does “elegant,” but her highs and lows are going to be few and far between, at least until she walks the plank. She did well in this episode, but don’t get too carried away: her dish was basically a couple of seared scallops on top of a pea & carrot purée. That won’t cut it later on.

11. Spike Mendelsohn (Season 4) Old Odds: 30:1 New Odds: 20:1
Well, I’ve got to give it up to this guy. He is, as Anthony Bourdain opined, the “craftiest m****r-f****r” who has ever been on the show. He’s been competent thus far, but nothing more. He has more skills than you’d think based on his personality and taste in hats, but his excessively high opinion of his skills will likely be his downfall.

12. Carla Hall (Season 5) Old Odds: 20:1 New Odds: 25:1
Her Poached Shrimp & Grits w/Okra Chips was something well within her comfort zone, but not anything you’d likely find on the wd~50 menu. She hasn’t performed badly, but the higher quality of challenges and competitors this season means that her odds of winning it all are dropping fast.

13. Tiffany Derry (Season 7) Old Odds: 10:1 New Odds: 25:1
I thought that coming into Top Chef: All-Stars hot on the heels of her own recently-concluded season would give Tiffany something of an advantage. And it has, I guess: she’s been able to avoid the stumbles and pit-falls that can doom even the most capable chefs when confronted with difficult and downright silly challenges. But that’s the extent of her advantage, I think, and as we progress further into the season, eliminations are not going to come down to who made the worst dish, but rather, who made the least excellent dish. This does not bode well for Tiffany, as her rather ho-hum Crudo of Summer Flounder seems to demonstrate.

14. Fabio Viviani (Season 5) Old Odds: 40:1 New Odds: 80:1
Mamma mia! This guy must have a horseshoe up his ass. He’s been dodging bullets like Neo in these first few episodes, but as the clumsy, Brobdignagian lamb dish that he served at Má Pēche demonstrates, Fabio is in so far over his head that he needs some SCUBA gear, pronto. If, as a simple TV viewer, I can clearly see that a) the bone on the lamb wasn’t wrapped when grilled, b) not enough fat was trimmed from the lamb, c) the lamb was visibly difficult to cut with a knife, and d) there’s a big glob of ricotta cheese on top, well, then there are going to be problems going forward in this competition for poor Fabio. I’m really quite shocked that he somehow avoided elimination. Dale Levitski’s dish, while a flawed dish, at least attempted to operate within the confines of the challenge parameters, taking an honest stab at David Burke’s style. Fabio’s dish couldn’t have had less to do with David Chang if it was an old Jewish woman from Mars. Colicchio says that it’s “all about the food,” but it’s moments like these when I suspect the interference of the producers to keep a fan favorite on the show.

Dale Levitski (Season 3) Old Odds: 6:1 New Odds: NIL
Alas poor Dale, we hardly knew ye. Dale was the victim of the gratuitous DOUBLE ELIMINATION stipulation of Episode 3, and the show will be the worse for it. I can’t imagine in a million years that his dish (Roasted Veal Loin, Peanuts, Popcorn, French Toast, Corn & Thyme Caramel) was worse than Fabio’s, even if Dale’s was too sweet. He at least attempted the challenge. I mean, really: Fabio complained about not being familiar with French cuisine. Really? It’s the backbone of fine dining EVERYWHERE IN THE WORLD. Fabio’s comfort zone is “Shitty Italian,” apparently.

Stephen Asprinio (Season 1) Old Odds: 15:1 New Odds: NIL
The Little Lord Fauntleroy of Top Chef, I was really hoping that Stephen would stick around long enough into the season that his bizarre, fastidious quirkiness could deliver some comedy gold. All he needs is an equally fastidious brother, a curmudgeonly handicapped ex-police officer for a father, and a British live-in psychic physical therapist, and he’d have his own sitcom. There’d be entire episodes about the wide-knotting of ties and cravats, about what sort of sherry and Port one should drink….has it been done?

See you next week!

[Image via Bravo]