Top Chef Season 8, Episode 2: The World Is Not Yours

There is a duality that characterizes the rooting interests of Americans.  Whether in sports or in reality television, Americans like to root for the underdog. While everyone seems to be sympathetic to underdogs and on some level roots for them, it always comes as a shock to the system when a truly significant upset occurs: Chaminade over Virginia. The New York Jets over the Baltimore Colts. James “Buster” Douglas over Mike Tyson. And now, Chef Jennifer Carroll’s elimination in Episode Two(!) of Top Chef: All-Stars.

Now, some might say that a contestant being eliminated on a mere reality TV show is not comparable to some of those sports upsets that have lodged themselves in our collective memory. My rebuttal would be that those who subscribe to that view did not take the time to carefully rank the competitors of Top Chef: All-Stars, and two months in advance of the premiere, at that.

As you will read below, I composed a pre-season ranking, if you will, of all of the contestants, and livened things up a bit by framing the rankings in the form of Vegas-style betting odds. For recreational purposes only. Which is good, because Vinnie the Nose isn’t around to make you cough up the vig, capiche?

As the faithful reader will also discover, we’re only two episodes into this fantabulous season, and already my rankings are in serious trouble. Episode 1 (title: “History Never Repeats”) saw the all-too-untimely ouster of the lovely Elia Aboumrad (pre-season rank: #9) due to her inability to improve upon the red snapper dish that was responsible for her demise in the penultimate episode of Season 2. So you could say that history does repeat itself. I won’t. But you could.

More problematic, traumatic, and illmatic was Episode 2′s elimination of Chef Jennifer Carroll, Season 6 semi-finalist and more importantly, #3 in my pre-season rankings. You know how they say that on “any given Sunday,” one football team can beat another? Well, that’s easily translatable to Top Chef: on any given Wednesday evening, one of the contestants can go haywire like Ash, the Science Officer of the Nostromo, and start spewing milk everywhere, shoving rolled-up magazines down the throats of the nearest women. That might be a slight exaggeration, but not by much. Jen lost her cookies at Judge’s Table, but only figuratively. How did it come to this?

My first thought is that Jen, along with her fellow cheftestants, was sleep-deprived, having only slept for about 3 hours out of the previous 24. My second thought is that her partner, Jamie Lauren (pre-season rank: #15) wussed out like the Mayor of Wussville, and needed all of two stitches to prevent her from dying of blood loss. My third thought (and last thought on this subject) is that Jen violated one of the cardinal rules of Top Chefdom, that corpus juris that forms the bedrock of all sound strategy in the Top Chef Universe, the Rules Of Chefquisition.

In this case, it is Rule of Chefquisition #24: Thou shalt not braise pork belly, nor shalt thou braise bacon as though it were pork belly. Look, I know it worked for Michael Voltaggio in Season 6. But M-Volt is a Michelin-starred chef, and easily the most capable winner of a Top Chef season yet. Season 3 winner Hung Hunyh worked under M-Volt, as did current All-Star (and pre-season #6) Marcel Vigneron. M-Volt has the chops to braise slab bacon like it is pork-belly, to deconstruct bacon & eggs, take it to outer space and back, while making it taste like the greatest bacon & eggs you’ve ever had in your life. Nobody else in the show’s history to date has had those chops. Braised pork belly was the undoing of Casey in the Season 3 finale, it was the undoing of Richard Blais in the Season 4 finale, and I’m sure it was the undoing of some other, less talented cheftestants that I’m forgetting at the moment. Braising a piece of pork belly (or slab bacon) seems like it would be pretty straightforward, and not terribly complicated. That’s not the point. The point is that pork belly is to a cheftestant what Cape Hatteras is to boats: The Graveyard of the Atlantic Elimination Challenge. And also: pork belly is so five years ago. Use a different part of the pig already, guys!

Here are the aforementioned pre-season rankings, odds, and tidbits that I’d jotted down about these heroic gastronomes. Bow before my clairvoyance, ignore my errors, and praise Blais:

1. Richard Blais (Season 4) Odds = 3:2

Blais would have won Season 4, but tripped over his own shoelaces in Puerto Rico. Subsequently, in his capacity as sous chef, he helped secure Hosea’s victory in Season 5 (ugh), as well as Rick Bayless’ victory in the first season of Top Chef Masters. He has also become the go-to sous chef for Cat Cora on Iron Chef America. He has trained under Daniel Boulud, Thomas Keller, and Ferran Adria, and operates a bourgeoning empire of Flip gourmet burger outlets. Might not have the pedigree of Angelo Sosa, but is more creative, and has more successful experience at playing the Top Chef game than anyone.

EDIT: Blais created what was, to judge by the Magical Elves’ edit, the best dish of the Episode 1 Elimination Challenge, but was DQed for going over his time limit. He also collaborated on the winning dish of Episode 2, a banana parfait that used no dairy or eggs. No cause for concern right now, but who knows, next week they could be making them cook while riding unicycles.

2. Angelo Sosa (Season 7) Odds = 4:1

Easily the chef with the best pedigree of Season 7, Angelo was undone in the end by Montezuma’s Revenge, Singapore-style. In terms of knife-skills, presentation, and diversity of flavor profiles, he is probably the best that Top Chef has ever seen, though lacking the off-the-wall creativity and innovation of Michael Voltaggio or Richard Blais. Was Executive Sous Chef at Jean Georges (3-star Michelin) for two years, opened Jean-Georges Vongerichten’s Spice Market, has consulted for Alain Ducasse, Stephen Starr’s Buddakan & Morimoto restaurants, and others. On paper, he might be the best, but will his eccentricities be his undoing?

EDIT: With two straight (though equivocal) Elimination Challenge wins out of the gate, there’s no reason to think that Angelo is out of position here, “to be honest witchu,” as he’d say.

3. Jennifer Carroll (Season 6) Odds = 6:1

Eric Ripert’s mentee at 10 Arts by Eric Ripert, and formerly sous chef at Le Bernardin (3-star Michelin), so seafood is her strength. Started off strong, but faded down the stretch. Elegant, classic French skillset, and a formidable leader in the kitchen.

EDIT: Ugh. Just a killer. How can my #3 be out this early? I think if you listen closely, Jen could be heard screaming something to that effect as she left the Stew Room at the end of Episode 2. In his blog on the Bravo site, Jen’s boss Eric Ripert, while disapproving of her surprising behavior, does make a good point: Antonia & Tiffany D.’s frittatas were under-cooked, meaning that there was raw egg in the middle, meaning that they were inedible. A poor dish that is still edible is still better than an inedible dish, in this case, one that, as the former Mrs. Billy Joel said, she could find on a cruise ship.

4. Dale Levitski (Season 3) Odds = 6:1

Like Season 7 winner Kevin Sbraga, Levitski started slow and then gathered momentum at the end, losing the Season 3 finale to Hung Huynh by a hair. Succeeded wunderkind Grant Achatz at the now-closed Trio restaurant, and now executive chef at the well-received Sprout in Chicago. This is definitely a hunch pick, more than anything. Look for possible ginned-up heat between Levitski and Blais over the former’s blog post on the Bravo website while Season 4 was being aired.

EDIT: Three cheers, please, for the man who caused the vivacious Casey Thompson to say “hand job” on national television, even if only in relation to Ritz crackers.

5. Tiffani Faison (Season 1) Odds = 6:1

As Tom Colicchio reiterated on the Top Chef Season 7 Reunion Special, had Tiffani only done a single tasting menu, rather than two, she would likely have defeated Harold Dieterle in the Season 1 finale. Colicchio has also said that Tiffany’s artichoke risotto dish in that same finale was the single best dish that he’s ever tasted on the show. Her team won the Season 1 vs. Season 2 charity cook-off, and she won the 2007 Top Chef Holiday Special. Worked for Daniel Boulud, and is an executive chef for Todd English. Will her prickly personality work against her in the team challenges?

EDIT: I may have actually rated Tiffani too low. Dominic Armato at Skillet Doux picked her to win the whole thing, and she certainly has the chops.

6. Marcel Vigneron (Season 2) Odds = 8:1

My favorite contestant ever, and the epitome of a high-risk, high-reward style for this competition. Was obsessed with MG (molecular gastronomy) in Season 2, often to the point of distraction (or over-foaming), but has serious skills. Marcel seemingly had the finale in hand against overmatched Ilan Hall, but forgot his hamachi in the prep kitchen, while his encapsulated vinaigrette teardrop failed under the Hawaiian humidity. Worked for Joel Robuchon in Las Vegas, and at Jose Andres’ Bazaar (under Michael Voltaggio, and with Hung Huynh) in the SLS Hotel in Beverly Hills. I hope he goes pretty far in Season 8, or at least long enough to get on the mic for some roof-top rhymes.

EDIT: I may have Marcel too high here, though he did have a hand in the winning dish of Episode 2. Then again, who wouldn’t win when teamed with Blais & Angelo? Marcel remains fun to watch.

7. Dale Talde (Season 4) Odds = 8:1

Victim of one of the more unjust eliminations in Top Chef history, when he was bounced after the Restaurant Wars episode of Season 4, an episode for which Colicchio was absent from Judges’ Table and replaced by Anthony Bourdain. As Bourdain will be a regular judge for Season 8, look for possible sparks to fly. Talde has worked at Stephen Starr’s Morimoto and Buddakan restaurants, and is at home with Japanese flavors and techniques. Look for him to inject a lot of his Filipino background into his food this time around, which could play well with the judges, depending on their preferences. Solid technical skills could carry him far, but in light of his Season 4 blow-ups and his confrontation with Michael Chiarello in Top Chef Masters, the question remains: can he keep his powder dry without exploding prematurely?

EDIT: No flare ups of the famous temper so far. Dale’s whispered admiration of Jen made Angelo laugh like Louis & Gilbert from Revenge of the Nerds. Bonus points to Dale for not knowing who Joe Jonas is. We should all be so lucky.

8. Tre Wilcox (Season 3) Odds = 8:1

Tre was the first in a continuing line of Restaurant Wars surprise eliminations. Beware assuming the role of executive chef if your team doesn’t win! I’m tempted to rank Tre lower, since the thing that did him in in Season 3 was an inability to execute a bread pudding(!). Still, his resume, pedigree, and accolades suggest that was a heat-of-the-moment misstep, rather than a portent of failure. Along with Casey Thompson, Wilcox cut his teeth working under the Rathbun brothers in Dallas, TX, and served as their sous chef when they defeated Bobby Flay on Iron Chef America.

EDIT: It’s only two episodes in, but I may have Tre ranked too high. He projects confidence in the kitchen, but doesn’t deliver the goods. Fix your sauce if you know it’s over-reduced, man!

9. Elia Aboumrad (Season 2) Odds = 10:1

To my way of thinking, Elia is the true wild-card in this competition. Born in Mexico, schooled at Lenotre in France, Elia worked her way up from commis to sous chef under Joel Robuchon. Worked alongside Marcel Vigneron at L’atelier de Joel Robuchon in Las Vegas. I’m a bit cloudy as to what she’s been doing since consulting at THEhotel at Mandalay Bay, but she has a solid foundation of exacting technique that could carry her far. As Top Chef seasons progress, rustic dishes that taste great are rarely good enough to stave off elimination against competitors who present refined, elegant, innovative food.

EDIT: Vaya con Dios, Elia. I said that she was a “wild card,” but it is clear now that she was a “Draw Four.”

10. Tiffany Derry (Season 7) Odds = 10:1

A solid cook who was not eliminated for bad food, but rather because her dish wasn’t as refined as those of the final four competitors in Season 7. In this field, I would ordinarily be inclined to rank her lower, but I think Tiffany gets a mild advantage from having competed on Top Chef more recently than almost all of the other contestants, so she should in theory be able to hit the ground running. She should get to mid-season before the competition gets too stiff; any farther than that will require some luck.

11. Mike Isabella (Season 6) Odds = 15:1

Everyone’s favorite misogynist is back! Whatever whatever. Isabella has some quality skills–you don’t get to run one of Jose Andres’ restaurants otherwise–but his overconfidence will probably trip him up before he gets close to the end in this field.

12. Stephen Asprinio (Season 1) Odds = 15:1

Everyone’s favorite snooty, snobby, sommelier is back! OK, maybe he’s not everyone’s favorite. This eccentric, cravat-wearing fussbudget is fun to watch though. He has some serious pedigree working for Drew Nieporent, Michael Mina, and others, but since most of it is centered around being Wine Director, it’s hard to rate him too much higher with confidence. He does have serious cooking skills, as he demonstrated in the Top Chef 4-Star All Star Challenge. His perfectionist outlook will serve his food well, but I can’t imagine him lasting through a whole season’s worth of team challenges. He may surprise us, though.

EDIT: Were you wondering to yourself whether or not Stephen Asprinio lives in the same world as you and I? The cravats, the foppish dandyisms, the umbrella tucked neatly through the top of his briefcase, yes, those might have been hints. But his whole “I sleep comfortably in a loft in Manhattan” was the giveaway. What if Frasier Crane (or Niles) was a contestant on Top Chef? The longer “paisan” Stephen remains on the show, the more complete answer we’ll have to that question.

13. Carla Hall (Season 5) Odds = 20:1

14. Casey Thompson (Season 3) Odds = 20:1

EDIT: I’m feeling that she should be a bit higher, but she needs to show more first. Also: Come to Butt-head.

15. Jamie Lauren (Season 5) Odds = 20:1

These three are almost interchangeable, I think. Though they have different styles and areas of expertise, Carla (Southern/French), Casey (Southern/pan-Asian), and Jamie (New American/seafood) all come across as methodical, competent chefs who present simple, seasonal dishes. Therein lies the danger: you don’t want your food running together in the minds of the judges. More importantly, none of these three has demonstrated an ability to deliver an innovative dish with a “wow” factor, something that is more or less mandatory come end-of-season on Top Chef, and even more so in this talent-laden field. Casey and Jamie have both demonstrated a conspicuous propensity for being slowpokes in prep, and Carla’s undoubted skill is diluted by her puzzling lack of assertiveness. I just can’t see any of them getting to the finals here.

EDIT: As Jamie mentioned on her Twitter page, she seems to be getting the a**hole edit from The Magical Elves this season. But a special high five is in order for her defiant announcement that she’ll never reproduce.

16. Antonia Lofaso (Season 4) Odds = 25:1

As with the previous three, Antonia comes across as a solid, methodical cook who makes tasty, rustic food. There are some who will say that “rustic” is just another word for “sloppy plating,” and that’s certainly part of what did her in (along with undercooked beans) in the Season 4 finale in Puerto Rico. She seems good-natured and plays well with others, so she might sneak into the middle part of the season.

17. Spike Mendelsohn (Season 4) Odds = 30:1

This guy. What a clown. He’s got some impressive credentials and travels on his resume, but his apparent utter inability to accept criticism of any kind, and his demonstrated stubborn insistence on not following the requirements of challenges (I’m thinking of Rick Bayless’ Fine Dining Taco Quickfire from Season 4) makes it unlikely that he’ll win this competition. Spike got his clock cleaned by Michael Symon in Battle Prosciutto on Iron Chef America, and was clearly not wanted by any of the competitors as a sous chef during the first season finale of Top Chef Masters. Also: he used frozen, broken scallops. And take off that hat already.

EDIT: As Anthony Bourdain said in Episode 1, Spike might be the craftiest mo-fo to ever be on Top Chef. He will go as far as his craftiness will take him, but he’ll ultimately get to a point where he’ll have to go head-to-head with Blais, Angelo, & Co, and his chops just aren’t at their level. On the bright side, he’ll have his Jonas Brothers albums to cheer him up.

18. Fabio Viviani (Season 5) Odds = 40:1

I know that a lot of people will want to see Fabio go far, because after all, he was “Fan Favorite”. It’s just not going to happen. His strongest showing came during The Last Supper challenge, where he was fortunate enough to be required to cook only a simple roasted chicken for Lidia Bastianich. He’s a charmer though, and if he somehow makes it to Restaurant Wars, that will be an asset as front-of-house, just as it is for San Pellegrino Water, Dr. Oetker’s Frozen Pizzas, and any number of other crappy products that he couldn’t endorse fast enough. It’s hard to overlook the zero-star review that the LA Times gave to Fabio’s Firenze Osteria, calling it “Italian food for dummies.”

EDIT: The fact that Fabio was picked last during the choosing of teams in Episode 2 speaks volumes, and completely justifies my ranking him at the bottom. His luck won’t last.

New rankings next week!

[Image via Eater and BravoTV]